20’s troubles

(Writen by Khatuna Jannnat Esha, Student of EEE, University of Dhaka)

I’m already passing through the beginning of my 20s!

I can’t believe how or when I started entering to this adulthood phase without any major change in this messed up life. Lately it’s just haunting me. A little has indeed changed since then but not enough to be pleased .

I’m literally a varsity student stuck in the same year for two years, earning a little money from tutoring….enough to meet up all my small desires, binge watching, listening to music all day long, from time to time trying to lead a healthy life, preparing my own meals and having it with my heart’s content… bla… bla. In this way sometimes I feel a bit empowered… Lol!!!!!

May be it’s confusing for you how come being stuck in one year for two years long make you feel strong!!! yea I get on to your confusion…. when I mention that I’m just trying to take the positive sides… then it may make sense to you. The best thing Covid did to me… actually not only to me… may be to all students out there…we were free from all those troubles of academy life for almost one year until they started taking annoying online classes. In same way I could discover a new me, could spend some quality time with family and so on in the past one year.

Apart from this peace,like all of you guys… I got depressed, felt anxiety for my future ,as I’m surrounded with all those qualitative peers sometimes I felt worthless still now I feel as it’s a everlasting feeling of every youth . You know those feelings couldn’t destroy me or couldn’t turn me down for long period.

In the voice of Sia – I may snap and I move fast. Same as hers you can name my heart as an elastic one!!!!! But you know I think it’s not so bad having this type of heart as it heals you so fast!!!! And there is Sia who never fails to encourage me –

But you won’t see me fall apart,

Cos I’ve got an elastic heart….

Whatever… now let’s see how there could be a lot more things happening in my 20s….. in fact… foolish me thought so two years ago. When I started my University life, I got thrilled. I was like…. dang!!! finally my life-long dream of living on my own is fulfilling.

At first my parents were trying to convince me in their idea of family shifting to Dhaka for my convenience to study. But I strongly opposed the idea. Even I couldn’t think of shifting in any relative’s house. At last in January my dream came true as I started my new life in Rokyah Hall of Dhaka University being parted from my family.

In my first day at hall I felt completely lost… I didn’t know anyone… didn’t know how to get along with all those unfamiliar faces so I literally cried when my parents were about to leave me there. But as my dreamy new life was about to start I accepted all those uncertainties and vowed to move on.

When I started to move on, I can’t express how much free,independent and empowered I felt. Went for class, had fun with friends, used to hang out a lot with them, went for tutoring and after entering hall there was my roommate… sitting under the open sky inside hall, we talked about all those messy things we were going through at that time.

Ahhhh…. that life!!!

I want it back no matter what!!!!! Back then maximum time it turned evening when it was my time for returning from my tuision. I walked all the time from Nilkhet to TSC and felt like screaming…. ahhh… at last I’m free from all those chains.

But couldn’t lead that fun life longer than two and a half months. Then this hellish Covid started breaking out, leaving my joyous life behind I got stuck in my room again for 5 or 6 months. Then lock-down got somehow lessened and I started coming outside from my house, started hanging out with friends and got some tuisions.

Everything seem nice right????

Yeap….they could be unless I weren’t that much covetous of having more carefree life of my own!!!!